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"At the risk of sounding really cliché, he's really an old soul," she says of her hubby.2009: Ashton and Demi start tweeting personal stuff and the digital world is never the same.

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I’ve dressed it up in pretty pink girl power with a silver lining instead of gotten really, really REAL with you and with myself about my fears about being single and 36. But the reasons I often convince myself that I’m still single aren’t pretty. A toxic relationship in my late 20’s that left me questioning everything about myself took its toll. Another man I loved for eight long years sat in my apartment not quite a year ago and looked me in the eyes and basically told me in no uncertain terms that I wasn’t lovable to him. That he had abruptly stopped being attracted to me, after almost a decade of intense, undeniable chemistry. I also have makeup, lots of makeup, and I’m working on the self-love stuff every day. Where the truth comes out and it’s not the slightest bit pretty, or inspirational, or even positive. It’s also a truth I have kept to myself because of its ugliness. Convinced the person telling me that HAD to be mistaken. If I choose to let in the darkness and the sadness and the REALNESS…won’t I sink in it? I think I’m starting to come to a better understanding of why…but for the moment, it’s still just shadowed and blurry truth that I’m struggling to make sense of. A few years ago I felt like I could simply walk into a room and command the attention of the men in the room. I suspect it was more an internal change than an external one, as I honestly think I physically look better now than I did ten years ago.

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Head into the fortress itself and follow the mini map to find Yennefer upstairs. Pull out your potestaquisitor by selecting (R1) and head to the left. Go back upstairs to talk to Yennefer to complete this small quest.

She vents to you about her plans to reverse Uma’s curse not going so well. She hands you a fancy device named a potestaquisitor to track down whatever is interfering with her megascope. Just to the left of the cage will be a pile of boxes. On your way in to Kaer Morhen, Geralt will point out that the Forktail is too close to the castle.

Legend linked up chance the rapper on a track from an from band's debut album of a few years.

Yennefer and Geralt must update the emperor on their search for Ciri.

Interact how you wish with both of them and then agree to meet Yennefer at Kaer Morhen.

And life without both joy AND sadness is a life without balance. And I think it’s high time to march all of that loneliness and self doubt and fear into the light and stop hiding it away and acting like it doesn’t exist because to admit that it DOES exist is to admit vulnerability. And to go a step further…all of my great big ugly fears about what being single at age 36 says about me.

I want to be that woman, but I’m not that woman yet. And that journey starts with this blog…with this moment of honesty that will hopefully be followed by lots more moments of honesty as I stop frantically searching for the silver lining of every situation and instead just learn to embrace the ugliness, the doubt, the uncertainty, the fear…as all a part of the journey. I personally think it’s a lot braver to talk about our doubts and fears instead of acting like everything’s perfect. It lends itself to loneliness and self doubt and fear.

If I don’t look for the silver lining…what is the purpose to the bad things that happen?! The truth is…I don’t know exactly why I’m still single. But something changed along the way and that’s not my experience anymore.

The stage has been set to finally find Ciri with all the main quests in Velen, Novigrad, and Skellige completed.

I will hand them their share of the blame, but I’ll take my share, too. “You just need more makeup, a thigh gap, more self love! “You just need more faith,” the Christian world says judgmentally. Just not in the cards for me.) I want with every single fiber of my being to be one of those self-assured, confident, bold women of God who knows exactly who she is in Christ and walks in the freedom of knowing how loved she is, how precious she is, how validated she is. And that’s not to say we should walk around like Eeyore all the time, feeling sorry for ourselves and playing the victim of our lives. But neither should we walk around like Tigger all the time…springing when we feel like sighing. Not dodging it or covering it up or glossing over it to make it look prettier and more pleasing so you can prop it up in the corner and not have to deal with it.

And in doing that, my friends, I feel I have done you a disservice. It’s recently been called to my attention that I use positivity as a defense mechanism. That my humanity and my imperfections were a turnoff to him. I can’t blame all of my self doubts on men, though. That’s a refusal to take responsibility for my own life and choices and attitudes and self image, and I won’t do that. “You’re too ugly.” “You’re too fat.” “You have a gap in your teeth.” “You look old.” “You’ve done too many bad things in your life and you don’t deserve to ever find love.” “God has forgotten you.” “It’s so easy for everyone else and so difficult for you.” “You’re meant to wander the earth alone forever.” “You will always be on the outside, looking in.” And on and on and on, like a broken record. (But I don’t and doubt I will ever have a thigh gap. Part of being the heroine of your own life is accepting the bad with the good.