""Please don’t make this weird but that makes me uncomfortable because I don’t like having my body silently appraised by strangers :(" "Do you like Pizza Hut? What the hell kind of human trafficking acrobatic bullshit are you running here, Romeo? Because I have zero interest in having a pizza that.""Have some fucking respect when you talk about IHOP, boy." "This would be 1000% more successful if the punchline was 'I will take you to IHOP and pay for everything.'""YOU GOT ME ALL EXCITED ABOUT PANCAKES TO END WITH THAT? ""I’m allergic to shellfish and also shitty men, sorry! Buy a ladder.""Still three feet taller than your dick. Mile-a-minute laughs, fun for the whole family." "I just deleted my Tinder. "Literally the only man that can get away with saying this to me is Robin Williams.""Murdering someone. It smells like low-grade PUA material, literally reeks of 'I googled this and am using it because women are video games with cheat codes.'”"If I hear the meme-ish phrase 'pointy elbows' on Reddit one more goddamn time." "If you can’t actually bring yourself to say 'cum' you don’t deserve to.""Where to begin? Two can play this bullshit word game, sorcerer." "It’s saying we live in the same police precinct, which I will be calling right now.""Omg! Getting away with murdering someone who won’t be missed.""Cookie dough ice cream would be the first and for you to disappear would be the second." "I would unmatch at 'Do you like porn? This isn’t American Psycho, don’t watch yourself have sex.""The likelihood of this happening would greatly increase if you a) talked to me like a person and not with this pickup line and b) resemble either Chris Pine or Idris Elba.""Who even starts with this?? No." "WTF is a smokeshow, are you a casual arsonist? 'I AM NOT A PRIZE TO BE WON' —Princess Jasmine.""It took you hours to text your friends a photo? Talking about masturbation in the opener, raindrops emoji, thinking that calling people models is a peak compliment, assuming a 'big black dude' is the worst catfish possible, going for the stereotyped 'Jamal' name. I’ve had it for five days total and I’m deleting it. I just realized the local Pizza Hut is less than a mile away too.
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