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Madden, after all, is one of the biggest things to come out of Waldorf, Md., the other being his twin brother Joel, with whom he founded the pop-punk band Good Charlotte.

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And if our addiction is our very top priority, then we will do anything it takes to use the way we want, even if that means lying to you, stealing from you, manipulating you, deceiving you, abusing you, hurting you and breaking your heart.

Many of us probably don't want to hurt you at all, but if we are addicts, our addiction comes first, and that means nothing and nobody will get in the way of us drinking and using to our little hearts' content.

With an addiction landscape there may come a time when you feel that you have exhausted all your avenues in trying to live with your mate's substance abuse issues and your own personal well being is now in danger.

You have run out of gas and the only healthy option is to throw in the towel and make a dramatic, earth-shaking move.

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Add to the mix a silent partner like drugs or alcohol, and the difficulty factor increases substantially. We find ourselves exhausted at the end of the day from just doing our jobs, getting the kids to school or whatever life is throwing at us.

You might mention something now and then about their behavior being a bit odd, but are easily appeased with their answer and things usually get back to normal..a time.

Phase 2 - You are aware that what felt unsettling in Phase 1 is becoming more consistent and hard to just slough off as a bad day at the office or losing a football game.

Like the alcoholic/addict who may hit "bottom" before realizing that it's time to change the course of his or her life or die, the family member or friend can hit bottom as well.

With months or even years of weighing this gut-wrenching decision, it can finally culminate from anger to frustration to sheer exhaustion.

Yet obvious as this may be and frequently is to those around him, it is normally the most difficult thing of all for the addict himself to grasp or admit.

The will of the addiction is a blind biological process that is endlessly questing for gratification and satiation, regardless of the consequences to the individual himself.

For us, if our relationship with God becomes second to anything, we will lose everything anyway... We hurt others because we are perhaps the most selfish and immature people in the world.

We hurt others because we are infantile narcissists who feel as though nobody suffers quite the way we do and therefore we have the right to do whatever it takes to remain in our comfort zones.

- and though he will (because he is unable to) brook no contradiction to his will, the addict is nevertheless completely controlled by and under the thumb of his addiction.

In fact his behavior is not determined by his own will at all but by the will of the addiction that now constitutes and constructs his reality.